The traditional method of conflict resolution in our society is, essentially, litigation. Litigation is unpleasant, difficult, time-consuming, and expensive. Conflict resolution is an alternative approach to resolving disagreements.

You can use these techniques even if you're inside a conflict, although it's harder. You can even use these techniques with toxic individuals who are always in conflict; you need to treat each incident as an individual conflict, try to build closeness and communication, and use that to better handle the next conflict (although watch out for people taking advantage of you!).

If you are leading this process as a manager refereeing a conflict, make sure that everyone in the process feels equal, even if their rank doesn't otherwise make them so. Even you shouldn't be superior, you're not a judge or jury or advocate or any sort, just a facilitator.

The Conflict Process

Conflicts go through a predictable process, shown here:

The Stages of Resolution

This is a relatively lengthy process -- and one that must be followed in order -- but it's worth it to invest time up-front in order to not spend time manging an ongoing conflict later. The stages are:

• Venting
• Exchange
• Brainstorming
• Evaluating Options
• Agreement